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Parents

Parents. This is where most of people get stuck. As per Bert Hellinger, it’s not even both parents, it is usually just the mother. He says that the root of most of the problems lies in relationship with the mother, in our attitude towards her.
Of course, there are people burdened with some family past trauma, but most of cases are not like that. Most of people are stuck in the relationship with the mother or/and the father.
For people to become successful as parents it is enough to pass life. This is it. The rest (taking care of a child, feeding, buying cloth, educating and so on) is optional. Does it sound harsh? May be. This is how Bert Hellinger says it in one of his books.
To Become Successful as a Parent This is Enough to Pass Life. The Rest is Optional.
I personally agree. Why? Because I can compare my energy level if, let’s say, I still demand something from my parents, if I blame them for something not being done right and If I think “You gave me Life, perfect, thank you, I am here now, and this is what I need”. My energy level is much higher in the second case. And my shoulders feel lighter. I feel better.
I love how Hellinger says in one of his books that he really feels sorry for the people, who have perfect parents. When you have perfect parents there is no need to grow and develop. All is already perfect.
If You Have Perfect Parents You Have No Need to Grow.
And also he says that when we get angry at our parents, we grow. This is constructive and healthy anger that pushes us to take an action and with this action we grow.

Why Do We Get Stuck With Our Parents?

The most common reasons why people get stuck with their parents are because they blame their parents, they want the past to be different, they want to save their mother or father (meaning if parents have difficult destiny, children energetically attempt to carry their parents’ burden instead of them, this DOES NOT work). All this blaming, unhappiness and so on is coming from our expectations. These are our expectations that our parents or their destiny should have been different. Growing comes together with dropping our expectations. As far as I understand for today: your parents gave you as much as they could. If they did not give you more or better – it means they did not have it. Period. The rest is YOUR JOB to get from Life.
Your parents give you as much as they can.
The rest is your job to get from Life.
And Hellinger mentions that he saw in many sessions how parents give to their children until they can’t give anything anymore and if children still keep demanding, the relationship breaks (the energy flow gets interrupted). This is crucial for the children’s success in Life. They become unsuccessful. And here is another funny saying from Hellinger: “We don’t expect our parents to be as perfect as the God, oh no! We expect them to be a little better than the God”. I love it 🙂

What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?

If listening to the stories, what people have been through with their parents, it is all understandable, why they are still stuck: if it was a traumatic experience, this is clear why. The thing is, you have the whole life to remain in this miserable, weak, blaming, always angry, and so on state. And the question is: Is this really what you want? Life is the way that we grow with challenges. Or we get stuck with challenges. And the other pretty harsh thing Hellinger says is that Life is picking up players to achieve its goals, and if players fail they simply get replaced. Yes, Life is always moving, and if you get stuck in some past trauma, blaming, judgement, and so on, guess what: you have failed. Why? Because your stuckness and Life’s movement cannot connect. In your stuckness you lose opportunities, you miss tasks.
If You are Stuck You Lose Opportunities.
There are examples of many very successful people, who had very difficult childhood: poor, no food, no clothing, abused, raped and you name it. They kept moving and growing. Once you realize, there are things you cannot change or control, it is much easier to leave all your blame behind.
This topic is worth of the whole separate workshop, dedicated to it, because you plus your attitude towards your parents is your success in Life. As simple as this.
You + Your Attitude Towards Your Parents = Your Success in Life

Family Constellations in Toronto
Elena Nesterenko
Workshops Schedule