Victims and Perpetrators – Taking Sides

We feel sorry for the victims, we want to help them, we unite with them, we hate the perpetrators and this attitude makes us feel right and comfortable. But this way we are actually part of a problem.
Being part of a solution requires courage, is often scary, and does not feel right. A lot of courage is required to see the perpetrators, to recognize their presence in the family, and to recognize their presence in us (?! – this is definitely “no way”, because they are “bad” and we are “good”, of course, this is obvious).

If something cruel (with victims and perpetrators involved, causing suffering and death) happened in the family past this causes next generations to live through this situation again and again. So, the problem continues causing difficult situations in the future (like life and health problems). And most of the future generations (because of their loyalty to their families) without wishing this cause more “bad” rather than “good” to their families. Why? Because they take sides and become part of a problem. Which problem?
>>>Problem One – Stuck Souls
Victims and perpetrators are souls, energies. They need to be loved in order to move further. They need a physical body, they need a heart. And they are actually tied in love, which is not a “human level” love, this is a different love that most of us do not see. Any ways, they need that place in the family, in someone’s heart in order to not remain stuck here for generations but to move forward. And they only can do it together. Taking sides (this is what the future family members usually do) separates them, so they cannot proceed and the family continues to carry that burden.
>>>Problem Two – “Generating” Victims and Aggressors
If taking sides we either unite with a victim or with an aggressor.
If someone has successfully united with a victim, well, then he/she might find his aggressor and his unfortunate situation, out of loyalty.
If someone has successfully united with an aggressor, then, again out of loyalty, he might find his victim.
This is how such loyalties work.
Or sides might change for the same person: sometimes – a victim, sometimes – an aggressor. And maybe there will be no serious life situation, but there can be health problems.
This way we just “generate” either victims or perpetrators and we harm our health.
>>>Problem Three – Disrespect
If taking sides, we kind of “know better” how the things should have happened. This is disrespect to the ancestors’ destiny. This actually harms their dignity.
>>>How does this Feel if Taking Sides?
This feels heavy. If taking sides we keep living through the same trauma day by day, sacrificing our life there. We either get into a victim’s body and feel fear, pain; or we get into in a perpetrator’s body and become aggressive.
>>>How does this feel if Seeing Both Sides?
This feels like a relief, like lightness, like “this is not _my_ problem”, “I do not belong there”, “they are big, I am small”, “this is their thing and destiny”, “I can live my life…”, “I respect”, “I accept”, “I am free and I am strong”. And we get more support for our future life, because this way we are not part of the problem anymore, but we are part of the solution, as the trauma moment is over and the energies found their love and their way. Those released energies support us. And everyone is happy, which feels much better than to be “right” and to suffer.
[This all is from the Bert Hellinger’s books and from practicing family constellations]