Are You Really in That Relationship?

If something goes wrong in your relationship, do not rush to say that your husband or wife, your partner is the bad one.
Very often in relationships there are situations that are not obvious at all. And those situations affect relationships significantly.
Often, if looking at the situation superficially, this is “easy” to see who to “blame” for all the failures and conflicts. If looking deeper at the situation, this often reveals unexpected things. It turns out, you can be physically present near your partner, live with him/her, at the same time be unavailable for him or her. Such relationships are not successful, there might be frequent conflicts. Getting a new partner does not really help, as the root of the situation remains without changes. So, what is the root of the problem?

To begin with, what is the basis for a successful relationship? If a woman is looking for a man, it is very important that the space for the man is available near her. The same applies to men. What does that mean, “available space”? Here are a few examples-the most common reasons why the space can be unavailable.

Mother’s son, father’s daughter. If a man has grown, but still is under strong influence of his mother, the space for a woman beside him is taken by his mother’s energy, that is, next to him there is no space for a woman. Such men are attracted to certain types of women. They are often attracted to the father’s daughters, next to whom there is no space for a man. My mother’s son, my father’s daughter – symmetrical situations for the men and for the women. The method of family constellations by Bert Hellinger helps to work with such things. About father’s daughters and mother’s sons Bert Hellinger says that my mother’s sons do not know how to respect women, my father’s daughters do not know how to respect men. A woman learns how to respect men near her mother, and a man learns how to respect women near his father.

Unborn children. Unborn children (miscarriages, abortions) – they often are not being remembered, or included. But very often the soul of a woman stays with her unborn child. Such a woman is neither available for her men or nor for her living children. Constellations work shows what happens with both parents and their living children after an abortion. And not only shows, but also helps working with this.

Past traumatic situations. A man needs a woman, and a woman needs a man. Sounds pretty easy. What happens when a man or woman looking for a partner? And if these are them who are looking for a partner? The thing is that it is not just one individual, who is looking for a partner, but the whole family system. Yes, the whole family system is looking for a perfect partner in order to heal its own wounds. This is why many thing are so painful in the relationship: both partners are perfectly chosen to know where to “click”, where it hurts. Do not rush to blame your husband or your wife, your partner. They show you where you need to work on yourself. Thank them for it. Also, your family past traumatic event make you anavailable to your partner. More about this at the next workshop.

Information about the workshop: www.constellations.work/workshops/
Elena Nesterenko, Family Constellations, (647) 367-6073